sears | {FORWARD-DATED TO TOMORROW}

I don't know why these persistent posts about families and parents annoy me so much. It's not like I'm jealous. Or maybe I am; I wouldn't know. I don't tend to self-analyze-- it's pointless. So few people realize that when you start to feel something stupid or messy, the best thing to do is to just ignore it, especially if it's about something that can't be changed or helped. I can really only think of one example of when paying attention to "feelings" has paid off, but we're not going to talk about that. It's been rehashed far too much here; I think it's time to discuss something new.

I could just go back to the Fire Nation. I don't know why I haven't yet. I say it's because I want to be careful and cautious, but really, I have no doubt that I could escape again if he is just trying to trick me-- which he isn't. And everything was going perfectly during my first week as Fire Lord; it was only after I found out he had turned against me that it started to go bad. If he does turn back again, I'm going to be very mad at myself for wasting this time I could have had.

I'll go back if I get kicked out. Though really, I've been considering leaving before that can happen; that'll make things less complicated. I was irritated when Kaito temporarily lost his memories of this place, and I don't even like Kaito. It's ridiculous (not to mention embarrassing) how much of an aversion I have to being left alone and abandoned. It's something that I really need to get over-- preferably sooner rather than later, because you don't just let random people stay in your house for undetermined periods of time. Sooner or later she'll be looking for an excuse to get rid of me, if she isn't already-- even though I stocked her cabinets with excellent Fire Nation tea. What would you call that, a bribe? I don't know.

At least I have Father; that's really all that matters. Who cares if he probably only supports me because he's been brainwashed? I certainly don't. It's the end that matters, not the means.

I'm very good at convincing myself of things. It's one of my many strengths.

OOC: There's a chance I'll be wicked busy tomorrow, and I wanted to have at least one post for this virus, so. DX

Threaded | Top-Level Comments Only

Aren't you talkative today...

I've been purposely not thinking about my father lately, but for some reason I feel like talking about him today.

He told me he was proud of me yesterday, and I know he meant it.

I see.

But you said that he's brainwashed, how can he mean it?

[ooc: Hakuba is confused :|]

Semantics. He was brainwashed into meaning it.

Therefore, he can't really mean it.

Why you two can't just rule together?

He can, actually.

That's what I want. Things were perfectly fine after he passed the throne on to me, and he still worked as my head adviser and had a high position in government. I don't know why he had to go and ruin everything.

How if it's a lie?

Pride maybe? Perhaps you should ask him. And most of the people have and aversion of being abandoned, it's not just you.

He wouldn't lie to me; not in the state that he's in now.

I'm not "most people". I'm supposed to be better than that.

He was brainwashed into meaning it. That's not exactly like telling you the truth.

You are still human, Azula.

But it's not lying, either.

Your point?

He doesn't have one.

You actually scare me a lot more then I let on. Which is stupid, because I shouldn't let the world affect me this much - nothing else really matters to me, I guess. For most of my life it's been you, Ty Lee, and Zuko. And my parents, but they only ever wanted me to be the perfect child (even if they do love me) and that... well, that just made thigns harder for me.

Sometimes I wonder if we're actually still friends or if it would've been better to not actually... I don't know. I'm not sure how to talk about this. I've never been good at expressing feelings. Usually I just bottle them up... not sure why I'm so talkative today, anyway.

I don't. You see, this is why I never tell people when I like them (and I don't like you, by the way)-- they mistakenly think it means that I care about them.

It's the same with looks. None of you can differentiate between thinking someone is attractive, and being attracted to them.

Well, it's not something that's supposed to matter to me. I don't care about people, so why should I care when they leave me?

Like I said, it's something I'm working on.

I'm sure he does; it's just not a good one.

I don't scare you enough to keep you, apparently. And goodness knows that you don't like me enough to stay. Even though you claim that you can be both my friend and Zuko's girlfriend, I don't really believe you. And I know you'd let him take you away, too.

I resent you. I don't want to care about you, even a little bit.

Think whatever you want.

You have feelings and doubts even if you don't want to.

Hm, really? I do that sometimes, too, as you've seen yourself. My tactics are generally crueler than yours, though-- but I still maintain that that last one wasn't ~~except in Fuu's case~~.

I realize that-- which is why I said that it's something I'm working on.

I've accomplished quite a lot for my age, but I am still young. There's time yet to eliminate all those undesirables within myself.

I could get into an argument with you about what I really care about and whether or not you're right, but we'd just end up arguing in circles, like we always do.

So, you do care about me?

Yes. Ty Lee has always been my favorite, in most ways-- that's probably been obvious since we were kids-- but I care about you, too.

I don't know if I want you to fear me-- especially now that we're not really fighting together anymore, and my success doesn't rely on whether or not you obey me. When you just now said that you did a part of me was satisfied (I suppose that was the part that resents you), but I was also a little hurt.

I really don't see how-- I think you're just being biased; you tend to do that. ~~No one except her was hurt (emotionally or physically), or inconvenienced in any way. That's more than I can say for your pranks.~~

Well, I knew that you liked Ty Lee more.

Don't you want me to fear you? You always talk about being feared and respected.

In the end though, I don't fear you enough to run from you or to stop me from protecting people, so maybe it's all moot anyway. I'd rather not fear you, but... you're the Fire Lord. Fire Princess. Whatever. You've always been... important.

Your "convictions" don't make logical sense. ~~Whatever. It still didn't cross any lines.~~

Of course I'm important; of course I outrank you. But you and Ty Lee were always different. You're not just... random citizens. Keeping you on your toes was very important when you were helping me track down Zuko and the Avatar, but we're not doing that anymore.

... She's not scared of me. She likes me. That's why she stays my friend.

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{FORWARD-DATED TO TOMORROW}

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Audio - Virus'd

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Strikes hackable only to Kaito~

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{LOCKED}

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